Overcoming childhood trauma from a Christian
Childhood trauma - is it possible to move on?
Nine times out of ten, the story behind the misbehavior won’t make you angry; it will break your heart.
– Annette Breaux
When it comes to childhood trauma, it is definitely a sensitive topic to discuss. By no means am I a mental health therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or other specialist. I am simply a mental health advocate and someone who takes trauma very seriously.
The reason I take trauma seriously is because it affects how we think and in turn our behavior. Trauma is universal - we have all dealt with it. Although we tend to categorize our trauma into levels and boxes, the truth is we can’t do so because everyone is different and handles trauma differently. The “small” trauma can affect someone in a mighty way. On the contrary, the “big” trauma can seem not so big because someone was able to overcome it in a tremendous way. Overall, I believe we can all overcome our trauma and not just survive it. We can truly thrive even in the presence of trauma. Because with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
Trauma should be taken seriously because it affects every area of our lives - our relationships, friendships, marriage, career paths and everyday lives. It affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. No matter how hard we try to bury it, it always seems to resurface in some way or another, many times unexpectedly.
I am not someone who has overcome all my trauma. But I am someone that is determined to face it. I refuse to be a victim to my trauma. Especially as a disciple of Christ, I need to face my trauma so I can help others. I take this call seriously.
Therapy
I first started therapy in 2018, after graduating college. I had taken a few sessions in the past, as a teenager and in college, but they were random and mostly with counselors, not mental health professionals. In 2018, I began therapy consistently and with more intentionality. I took the homework I was given with discipline. I treated it like a job because the reward was sweeter than money - it was my healing. Nothing feels better than those moments of victory. If you have never experienced healing before, it feels like a weight being lifted off of your shoulder. It feels like you are coming up to breathe again for fresh air after being surrounded by a giant dump of trash. It feels like the first day of spring after a harsh winter. It feels like you are feeling sunlight and fresh air hit your face after being in bed, in the dark for a week. It’s refreshing and it is timeless. It feels even better knowing you worked so hard for it.
If you have not yet, I strongly encourage you to partake in therapy. Try not to go in with any preconceived notions. Just enter it with an open heart. Give yourself and your therapist a chance. Give yourself time to process and overcome old habits, thought patterns and beliefs. Give it a chance and I promise you will get something out of it, even if it is not grand in your eyes. You can always change your therapist and the company you are with if you are truly unhappy. But please do your best to give it a fair chance.
Renewing your mind
A big part of trauma includes renewing our minds. The bible says “do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2).
The world tells us to prioritize hustle over heart work. It tells us that therapy is expensive and inaccessible, especially for the black community. It tells us that trauma is impossible to overcome. But the Lord advises us not to conform to the pattern of the world. He tells us to be transformed through the renewing of our mind.
Renewing our mind takes time, effort and intentionality. Trauma is nothing to play around with and it should be approached strategically. If you are waiting for it to magically go away, or not bleed into certain areas of your life, you are being unrealistic. Some people believe their trauma will never seep into their professional lives. But if that were true we would not have cattiness, gossip, jealousy, covetousness, lust or unrealistic expectations in the workplace.
Deal with your trauma, don’t let it deal with you!
More than conquerors
The word of God says that we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us (Romans 8:37). The word of God has all the final say and authority. I think it is completely fine to ask God questions about His word. But at the end of the day, God is not a man that he should lie (Numbers 23:19). If He says we are more than conquerors, we are more than conquerors. We just have to renew our minds until we believe it and until His word replaces our thoughts that are rooted in trauma. Our thoughts lead us to feel things and these feelings lead us to act. Changing our thoughts is the first step to changing our behavior.
Life more abundantly
Lastly, the Lord says that the thief comes not but to steal, to kill and to destroy. But He has come so that we can have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). This is one of my favorite scriptures. Guys, we have an enemy that wants us to dwell and live traumatic lives. He loves to layer our trauma with more trauma. He loves when we ignore what we have been or are going through. He loves when it leads us to hurt others.
However, God says that he came so we can live abundant lives! This is not always materialistic. This is spiritual and includes living life healed, delivered and freed from the shackles of traumatic situations! Does this mean we will never feel the pain or hurt from our trauma again? No. But it does mean that we will dwell and think about it less. It also means we will look at it from a different perspective. We will no longer look at ourselves as victims but victors. And in turn, we can help influence others to live freely too.